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There was a time when my answer to this question was “Huh? Why?”
I had always got on better with boys at school. I was badly bullied at school both verbally and physically and it was always the girls. They took a dislike to me – maybe I was too confident, maybe it’s because I worked hard and did well at school, maybe it’s because the boys were my friends… who knows!
At work I guess there tended to be more men than women in most of the environments I worked in, and I got on fine. In the one company where there were many more women than men, I found it ‘b****y’ and cliquey. You were either in or out and I was definitely out…
I have two sisters, so I wasn’t missing out on having other women to speak to either.
I just could see more negatives than positives I guess, so it was easy to conclude that this wasn’t necessary or even healthy. If we want inclusion and to be on a par, we have to work with men and not exclude them. This is not being inclusive…
But then I started to meet different women. Women who were kind, compassionate, curious about others, curious about life, challenging, confident and caring. Strong women with courage who wanted to connect. And it felt so different. None of them wanted to exclude men from anything, and they wanted a community of likeminded women too. Women who wanted to learn together and grow together. Who wanted to help each other, challenge each other to grow and to have a conversation that included all aspects of life – family, children, partners, bosses, work priorities, work challenges, dreams, aspirations and more! All of this is part of life.
There are lots of reasons why programmes specifically for women and networks to support them are a good idea. Here are three:
1.Psychological safety
A bit of a buzz word or term today, but this has always been important and necessary. Essentially, to be creative, to think well, to share, to challenge and to accept a challenge and everything else that we need to do with others in order to grow, we need to feel safe. Being in the company of others who are like us in many ways creates safety. If the group, in addition to being all women, also agree on values to adhere to as well as rules and boundaries for engagement, then this will truly create safety for all.
2. Unconscious bias
And this one can be a thorny debate…. We are all biased. We have grown up with role models that look and sound a particular way – whether that be in our communities, on TV, in books or any other way. Doctors have always been portrayed as men and nurses as women. CEOs as men and secretaries as women. And yet if I ask you can a woman be a doctor or a CEO, you will probably say “What decade are you living in? Of course!!”. And yet I am pretty sure that unless you have a female doctor or a female CEO, the first picture that would probably come to mind is of a man. So how do we ensure that unconscious bias doesn’t affect who we choose and promote into senior roles? Organisations are doing a great deal in their processes to avoid this – no pictures, ages or names on CVs for example. But it still isn’t enough. Hence the drive towards positive discrimination. Have two people – a man and a woman – who are equal in skills and competence, and both could do the role, and some organisations will choose the woman, to increase the number of women in senior roles. Is this the right thing to do? What could we do instead?
3. Permission and possibility
“You cannot be what you cannot see”.
I’m not sure who said this, but programmes for women in leadership and women’s networks, enable women to see what is possible. They enable women to do leadership in their own way. To live out polarities such as strength and kindness, courage and compassion and not have to choose. They give permission for women to go for senior roles, start their own businesses and combine it with having a family and children should they wish to also.
One of the most common comments I get, goes along the lines of:
“Sonia, I never realised there were other women like me out there. It is such a relief to be able to talk to others who just understand AND don’t accept the status quo. I’m in awe of these women and so glad to have found them.”
Have you found your community? Let me know.
If you’re a new leader looking for your community, come join us at our private Facebook Group or sign up for the waitlist for the Rising Leaders’ Circle.
If you are a senior woman in leadership and are interested in joining a new community of senior women (VP and above), then drop me a DM so that I can let you have more details and let you know when we are ready to go.
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Speak soon!
Sonia xx
